Sorry to say it guys but if your partner is going through menopause you are most likely officially in the highest risk group for suicide – even if you don’t believe there is a correlation with what your partner is going through you are still a “middle-aged man”. I may say some things here that are not PC but don’t give a f**k as hopefully it will save a life.
Even if you don’t feel “too bad”, NOW is the time to make sure you have a support system in place for if things get worse!
Step 1
The most important thing you can do is have a group of friends you can chat to, preferably in person. If you are not sociable this can be hard but find something that you don’t absolutely hate even if not your first choice e.g. a walking club or cinema club – most reasonable sized towns will have websites to link you into these groups. Try something new. Joining in a group then can lead to group of ideally 3-4 guys that it will be easier to talk a bit more personally with even via messaging.
For some people there will be a number of reasons why they can’t join a group or socialize away from the home. If this is you – I can’t stress how import it is to have a friend group even if online! Try and find a community where you actually engage with at least 3-4 guys via direct message (not in an online forum).
Step 2
The other really important thing for guys to do is get a bit of “me time” in a day to unwind and not think about the stresses you are going through. Just do what works for you be it a walk, sit on a park bench, killing some aliens on a computer or making a coffee table with scrap wood. Take 20-30 mins each day. This is really hard for some married guys to do but it is better for your wife (even if she will probably nag you for it ) if you are not as stressed.
Remember as it is “me time” so should be on your own. Also keep it low stress – for some people a computer game can be stressful if they are not winning!
Step 3
I have done step 1 & 2, I’m good?
Yep but still worth asking yourself once in a while if this is still the case. Do you have guys that will ask you if you are OK and ask things at a deeper level? Do you also do the same for others? Do you unwind most days?
Already Bad
If you read this too late and you have not got a support system in place and your really feel like life is not worth living. Please just take a minute. Relax and count to 10 in your head.
No I am being serious, count to 10 in your head!
If you feel that you are in immediate danger of acting or have acted on your suicidal thoughts, don’t hesitate – CALL 999 for an ambulance or go to your nearest A&E department.
Now the difficult part – If you really feel low, even if not suicidal, you need to get help or start a process now. In the UK contact https://www.samaritans.org/ , they have a free phone number 116 123 or you can email jo@samaritans.org them if you really can’t face talking. There are other people that can help and will add a few more in later but Google is your friend especially for other countries.
So here is a slightly longer UK based list that will work on over time – feel free to add suggestions in the forum.
- Samaritans. To talk about anything that is upsetting you, you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call 116 123 (free from any phone), email jo@samaritans.org or visit some branches in person. You can also call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).
- National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK. Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7).
- Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.
- C.A.L.L. If you live in Wales, you can call the Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L.) on 0800 132 737 (open 24/7) or you can text ‘help’ followed by a question to 81066.
Some more information is available at https://mensmindsmatter.org but I have not looked at yet.